December 16, 2018

Weekly Post

I was out yesterday in a well known shopping area.    The seasons’ excitement filled the air as shoppers’ arms were brimming with items meant for loved ones, parties with loved ones or loving oneself.  I felt alive in the hustle bustle of it all.  I went home tool a nap, and woke up to go to work. 
I remembered the joy of the day, and I just took a moment to thank God for the goodness in life.  Sure I’ve had moments of misery and grumpiness during the holiday season.  Sure there were times when I was jealous that others’ were having more joy than I, and I would have to spend time in deep loneliness, and confusion as to why I couldn’t find joy in my life.  I was resentful of others’ social calendars and parties…all of which I wasn’t invited to.  Hence, I would spend an evening in my dark room watching some stupid show on television, arms crossed, and just miserable.  I felt like Ebenezer Scrooge, just waiting for the night to come so I could sleep and forget it all.
Or there were those days when I felt down.   A dark cloud hanging over my head or a weight on my shoulders forcing my shoulders to slouch…I couldn’t bring myself to shake it off. It was too overpowering.  Even my cheeks ached with the weight, enough that I couldn’t crack a smile. No light, only a dark mist weighing me down.
Shake it off, the self help folks would cheer.  You’re better than that!!  The problem would be that I wouldn’t have the tools to know how to shake it off.  Tony Robbins, the motivational guy, would say, change your posture into a successful person!  in other words, fake it until you make it.  And sure that would work if I had remembered how to do it at that time.
I noticed, that I was living in a paradigm where I would let my circumstances dictate who I was, and would not take or know to take responsibility for changing something in me to snap out of the mood.  In other words, I was contributing to mood by being engulfed in the situation, and not giving myself the choice of another perspective.  I was my mood, and became my mood instead of seeing that I could do something about the mood.
I learned to recognize that that mood was running my life at that moment.
I learned that I had a choice to stay in the mood or I could shift my perspective to have the mood, but it didn’t dictate who I was. 
I had to establish who I was in the first place: a joyful resonance of God’s work.
And I allowed myself to have the mood without making it a bad thing.  It was just a passing mood:  many humans experience a myriad of moods and I happened to be experiencing this one at this moment.
When I went through these steps, I could see the mood lift sooner.  I didn’t give that particular mood credence of who I was.  It was just a passing thing… I think that’s why my life seems lighter and I can enjoy the people and vibe around me or get out or call it out if the mood goes negative (in myself and in others).   So for now,  I’ll just enjoy the season as it is…busy bustling and bursting with joy.

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